Speaking with care and candour involves showing care and respect for the person while at the same time being absolutely clear on the issues. Speaking with true and respectful candour is not criticism; it’s about focusing on the issue and not the person. It’s communicating authentically without doing any damage.

Examples

Here are three typical examples of issues that need to be addressed in the workplace:

1. One of your colleagues is working with you on a project. Your colleague is missing deadlines that’s impacting other areas.
How would you respond and what would you say?

2. One of your employees is suffering from depression and not performing well.
How would you respond and what would you say?

3. One of the members of the board seems to be dominating the conversation and shutting people out.
How would you respond and what would you say?

Real costs

There are real costs associated with not speaking with care and candour: avoiding issues becomes time-consuming, it results in lower productivity and morale, deadlines are missed, decisions take longer. And if the practice continues, it can impact negatively on financial returns.

Requirements

In order for a culture of openness to thrive within an organization, the leadership needs to:

1. Encourage a culture of openness by communicating the benefits and making the practice part of each employee’s PDP or personal development plan

2. Model the behaviours by making the practice visible in meetings and one-to-one discussions

3. Encourage employees to speak with care and candour by asking them to share what’s really on their minds, in other words, to share the other 10%

Benefits

Once the leaders give themselves and others permission to speak with care and candour, significant benefits occur:

1. A culture of openness, honesty and respect begins to take root

2. Collaboration and engagement improves

3. Productivity and morale improves

4. Clearer decisions are made leading to better results

And guess what? You won’t have to drag yourself to that meeting anymore. Your energy has returned. The person you were avoiding hasn’t gone away. You decided to address the issue with that person with care and candour, and you were surprised by the positive outcome.

Listen [and download] the audio version of Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

Leaders can expend a lot of energy dealing with people on the team who have a fixed or closed mindset about management, the direction the organization is taking and the need to be innovative and adaptable. Not to say that their perceptions are not accurate, but people who default towards a closed mindset, tend to favour an organizational structure that is more command and control and conservative in outlook.

From a time and energy perspective, a leader who adopts a collaborative approach and encourages her people to explore new ways of being competitive and relevant in the marketplace, will spend an inverse amount of time getting a few closed mindset people to change lenses. In other words, to start showing up differently.

Research by Carol Dweck

According to Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, decades of research on achievement and success have led her to the groundbreaking principle of the mindset. We either approach life with a fixed or closed mindset, or we lean into life with a growth or learning mindset.

Whereas a closed mindset can be described as being more rigid in outlook and will stifle innovation and fresh thinking, Dweck says a learning mindset invites possibility, is more collaborative and embraces feedback. And contrary to the closed mindset perception that IQ is fixed, a learning mindset is a shift to continuous learning and self-mastery.

Characteristics of a growth or learning mindset

Based on Dweck’s insights, here are four insights that have been slightly adapted for the workplace:

• A desire to learn from mistakes and embrace challenges
• A habit of leaning towards and inviting feedback
• A practice of encouraging innovation and inviting possibility
• A drive to master new skills and to understand new information

The good news is that anyone at any time can initiate a shift from a closed mindset to a learning mindset. It’s a shift to a mindset that is collaborative, open, authentic, empathic and relevant.

So, how does a leader deal with closed mindsets at work?

1. The leader should first ensure he or she models the learning mindset approach.
2. The leader should cultivate a culture of collaborative learning. For example, include learning reviews in the performance reviews.
3. The leader should have the necessary in-person conversations with those employees and indeed, all employees and set in place expectations and measures that challenge them to embrace a learning mindset at work.

Although counterintuitive, the three steps listed above will take time for a leader to integrate. The results will be staggeringly different, including the levels of energy at work as employees embrace a learning mindset and start showing up differently.

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

Learning to say NO is especially difficult in an organizational culture where leaders are accustomed to using positional power rather than personal power to get things done. It is also extremely challenging when you are not clear about your personal boundaries and have allowed patterns to develop that others take advantage of.

Sometimes people agree to requests because they feel they ought to, instead of pushing back and articulating what they can and can’t do at that moment and what’s really going on for them. Then while doing the job they agreed to, they regret saying yes and feel anger or resentment towards that person. As you know from your own experience, these scenarios play out not only in work situations but all aspects of our lives, including our families and partner relationships.

The outcome of a conversation where you feel pressurized to do something is often pre-determined if your own power differential is not balanced. Without going into too much detail here, balancing your power differential means getting into a good space psychologically before you push back. And breathe. Do not respond if you are feeling guilty, powerless or manipulated. Get clarity about these emotions first before responding.

The Code for saying NO

C – Clarify what your client or colleague is asking or demanding. Use open q’s, paraphrase and reframe.
O – Offer your reality – a brief insight as to what you are dealing with right now – your reality.
D – Describe what you can’t do by actually saying no. If appropriate, say what you can do and by when.
E – Empathize by communicating your understanding of their situation and the impact of saying no.

Examples of how to push back in a clear, respectful and assertive way:

1. “Chris, if I say yes to you right now, I would have to drop another equally important request from one of your colleagues. I need to be realistic and say no. The earliest that I can tackle this is on Monday . . . “
2. “David, I’m in the middle of a complex project. We’ll be working over the weekend to complete it on time. So I need to say no to your request right now. How about I check in with you on Monday at 11am with a view to begin working with you on your request starting on Monday afternoon. . ?”
3. “I would love to help you Gina. Here’s my reality – I am snowed under until at least Wednesday. I can’t help you at the moment. I can commit to giving you my full attention on Thursday. I know this is not what you were hoping to hear . . .”
6. “Sarah, after finding out a bit more about your project, I realize I’m not the best person to help you on this. Two of my colleagues, Lee and Bjorn are experts in this field. How about if I introduce you to them. . ?”

You can adapt these few examples to your own style so you come across as authentic and not scripted.

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

An assumption can seem to grow out of nothing. But when we take a closer look, we find it’s usually something we learned and embedded into our persona and do not question. In his book, Vital Lies, Simple Truths, Daniel Goleman talks about perception selection, the way we see the world through a frame or lens. The downside is we miss anything that is outside of the frame. Thus our selection of data is our reality and what we “see.” We assume everyone else has the same lens.

Checking assumptions

Because our assumptions live at a subconscious or unconscious level, we need to check our assumptions regularly, especially when we need to make a decision or are waiting for an outcome. Our assumptions affect how we work with people. In short, our assumptions influence how we see our world, how we show up and how we serve our clients and each other.
Here is a simple rule: Reflect before you React.

Reflect

When you pause to reflect on what’s really going on, you need to ask yourself, “What am I noticing, what am I thinking and what am I feeling?” When you get a reading on these questions, ask yourself, “How much of this is actually true?” Or, put another way, “How much of what I am stressing about is fantasy, myth and a construct of my fertile imagination?” You’ll be amazed at how quickly and easily we draw conclusions, make inferences and feed our beliefs that can lead to inappropriate actions.

React

Once you have Reflected on the four questions above, you can now React appropriately by asking yourself, “What is the best action I can take given the amount of information I have or don’t have?”
Because our assumptions are such powerful drivers and because wrong assumptions can really screw things up, we need to check our assumptions regularly. We need to Reflect before we React.

Read the extended version of this article – Wrong assumptions can really screw things up.

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

Assumptions are things we take for granted and can be built up over time or can can be created within seconds. Wrong assumptions can separate just about any two individuals. For example, my partner is working late, so he or she must be having an affair. Assumptions can divide cultures, political parties and groups such as Boomers and Millennials – see the strip below.

An assumption can seem to grow out of nothing. But when we take a closer look, we find it’s usually something we learned and embedded into our persona and do not question. In his book, Vital Lies, Simple Truths, Daniel Goleman talks about perception selection, the way we see the world through a frame or lens. The downside is we miss anything that is outside of the frame. Thus our selection of data is our reality and what we “see.” We assume everyone else has the same lens.

This aligns with the thinking of Chris Argyris, who introduced the Ladder of Inference. The Ladder of Inference was subsequently presented in Peter Senge’s The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization. It illustrates how our thinking generates pathways of increasing generalizations, that can lead to misguided beliefs and actions. It’s these types of assumptions that become beliefs and are accepted as reality that can really screw things up for us when we act on them.

DACBA – the assumptions thinking process

Based on the work of Chris Argyris, I have called the assumptions thinking process DACBA – Data >> Assumptions >> Conclusions >> Beliefs >> Actions. The DACBA process happens like this:

The domino-effect of inferences in the Ladder of Inference or the DACBA process results in an action. Although the scenario above is fictional, I am sure something similar plays out every day in many organizations across the world. Imagine the shock when Monday does come around and this person hears from their manager that she is getting a raise because clients are so pleased with the innovative work being done under her watch. How much energy was wasted churning through various scenarios based on insufficient data? How often do you catch yourself doing the same thing?

Checking assumptions – Because our assumptions live at a subconscious or unconscious level, we need to check our assumptions regularly, especially when we need to make a decision or are waiting for an outcome. Our assumptions affect how we work with people. In short, our assumptions influence how we see our world, how we show up and how we serve our clients and each other.

Here is a simple rule: Reflect before you React.

Reflect

When you pause to reflect on what’s really going on, you need to ask yourself, “What am I noticing, what am I thinking and what am I feeling?” This is part of your Conversational Signature mentioned in my blog – Talking about Sacred Cows at Work. When you get a reading on these questions, ask yourself, “How much of this is actually true?” Or, put another way, “How much of what I am stressing about is fantasy, myth and a construct of my fertile imagination?” You’ll be amazed at how quickly and easily we draw conclusions, make inferences and feed our beliefs that can lead to inappropriate actions.
Ask yourself:

• What am I noticing?
• What am I what am I thinking?
• What am I feeling?
• How much of this is actually true?

React

Once you have Reflected on the four questions above, you can now React appropriately by asking yourself, “What is the best action I can take given the amount of information I have or don’t have?”
Ask yourself:

• What is the best action I can take given the amount of information I have or don't have?

Because our assumptions are such powerful drivers and because wrong assumptions can really screw things up, we need to check our assumptions regularly. We need to Reflect before we React.

The Corporatzi is a tongue-in-cheek exploration of Conversations @ Work that impact the organizational unconscious. They are important signals that reflect systems of cause and effect, dysfunctional dances, human potential and the true culture of the organization.

Delivering a presentation is pretty much the same. Because the opening takes up about 10-20% of your presentation and the close is usually about 20-30%, it’s very important that the opening [take-off] and the close [landing] is carefully planned and purposeful.

Preparing your next presentation is similar to how a pilot prepares the flight path before take-off. The pilot has to know where he or she is going before take-off and has to file the name of the aerodrome [plus two alternate aerodromes] where the plane will land.

Similarly when you prepare your next presentation start with the close or destination. I’ll focus on the close in this segment and talk about the opening in a later issue.

Benefits

When you structure the close first so your presentation meets the needs of your audience, you will experience the following benefits:

• The close helps you get clarity about the purpose of your presentation
• The close helps you shape the opening - including relevant stories and analogies in the opening that align with the close
• The close reduces preparation time - the more you prepare the close first, you will discover a marked reduction in the time you spend creating a persuasive presentation.

In Stephen King’s book, “On writing,” he admits that as he writes the opening of another potential best seller, he does not know how it will end. Unlike Stephen King, when you prepare your next business presentation, you don’t have the luxury of starting with, “It was a dark and stormy night,” and hope that your presentation will engage your audience and end the way you planned it.

I know it sounds boring and counterintuitive, but start with the end when you prepare your next business presentation. It will be much more of a hit with your audience. And of course, when you deliver it, start with the planned take-off, and the landing will be supreme.

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

With thanks to Dan and Chip Heath, authors of “Made to Stick,” they devised a formula to help test if an idea would stick. Although I really like the criteria that the authors included in their formula, I thought I would build on their idea, partly because I felt a few criteria needed to be added and partly because I could never remember their formula after a time – it didn’t stick.

So, here’s a redesigned 9-point formula to help you test if your idea, message or concept will “STIC” at work. STIC is spelt S-T-I-C and each of the following 9 points includes a key word that begins with either an S, T, I or C.

Making it STIC

• S - Does the idea or message help us See the challenge or situation or vision in a new way?
• S - Is the message or concept Simple and Succinct?
• T - Does it Touch an emotion or strike a chord?
• T - Does it Tell a story and take us on a journey?
• I - Does it Inform us about an action, recommendation, new policy, vision etc.?
• I - Does it Inspire and Invite us to act differently?
• C - Is the idea, message or concept Clear?
• C - Is the idea, message or concept Credible?
• C - Is the idea message or concept Culturally sensitive and relevant?

If you get a “yes” for at least 5 out of the 9 criteria, you have a good chance of getting your idea to take root and “STIC”. If you get less than 5 out of 9, it’s a good indicator that you need to reconsider the way the message or idea is packaged and whether it should go out at all in it’s current state. Ask yourself, will it “STIC”?

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

Meet Maxine, one of your employees [it could just as well be Clint]. Maxine is 35 years old and is an expert at her work as a contract specialist for Mercantile Credit Union. Maxine is part of a team of 15 people who report to you. She has been working at Mercantile Credit for nearly 13 years now. During coffee breaks, you can always find Maxine, come rain or shine, having a smoke outside with her small group of friends.

Maxine can be a lot of fun to be around. But also a bit of a pain. What gets to you sometimes is her uncanny way of making a meal out of every event in her life. There’s the ex-husband who is a jerk, the ex-mother-in-law who ignores Maxine, the schoolteacher at work who is picking on her daughter, the renters who are trashing her investment condo, the great deal she’s just got to go to Cancun with her new boyfriend . . .

Sound familiar?

As a leader you have most probably come across a ‘Maxine’ or ‘Clint’ at some stage in your career. You might even have a ‘Maxine’ or ‘Clint’ in your team right now.

What bothers you about Maxine is her ability to involve her small band of followers, and anyone else who will listen, in her unfolding dramas. She’s so good at it that people become emotionally involved, take sides and try to help her out. Then one or two of her colleagues will get frustrated when she doesn’t act on their suggestions. They avoid her for a while and that unsettles Maxine and makes her seek out other colleagues who will collude with her.

And here’s where it becomes a problem at work because employees at the branch sort themselves into two camps:

1. Some well-meaning employees get distracted from their work a few times each week because they get hooked into trying to solve Maxine’s continual unfolding dramas and
2. Others don’t want to get involved, so they say nothing and avoid Maxine like the plague.

How do you address the situation?

A coach approach to a feedback conversation is transformational – we invite the other person and ourselves into a compelling future. Both of us need to walk away feeling inspired to move forward with a new understanding, clarity and a sense of power leading to action.

Giving and receiving feedback

The practice of regularly giving feedback on an informal and formal basis involves:

• Creating the environment so the other person is receptive to receiving feedback.
• Articulating what you have noticed and inquiring about the impact using an appreciative approach.
• Exploring options and owning outcomes for going forward.
• Tracking progress, either formally or informally, depending on the relationship.
• Inviting feedback at the completion of the session using the same approach.

Once you have provided feedback, turn it around and invite your employee or colleague to provide you with constructive feedback on any scenario, challenge or issue that comes to his or her mind. If the person is hesitant, ask “How am I doing with ….

Back to Maxine

As a leader you will need to have a series of feedback conversations with her using the guidelines listed above. If no-one has drawn Maxine’s attention to the impact of her style in previous years, it will come as a complete surprise to her as patterns have developed and become entrenched long before you came to this branch.

The feedback conversations should be conducted with extreme care and candour – being respectful of Maxine as a person and being absolutely clear on the impact of the behaviour. And once you have provided feedback, turn the focus on you and invite feedback from her on the way you show up as the branch manager.

Cultivating a DIET for Feedback Method

Ask me about the Cultivating a DIET for Feedback Method – a powerful and clear 4-step method for leaders that can be used in any scenario for giving and receiving feedback – for correcting behaviours or reinforcing or encouraging behaviours.

Conversations That Count is a compilation of stories of authentic interaction with peers, employees, colleagues and customers. When we get engaged, we get results - a real return on engagement.

Jane Fonda once said that “everything spirals downward, rots and decays, except the human spirit, which has the capacity to grow and evolve upward.” Creating a culture of meaning and fulfilment at work involves various forms of corporate storytelling. The stories we tell define who we are. Robert Hargrove, a Master Coach and author mentions two types of stories in the workplace that influence the human spirit – river stories and rut stories.

People who tell river stories are authentic, transparent, have no hidden agendas and tend to energize the culture at work for positive change. They speak of possibility and tend to lean towards a transformational future. River stories create meaning, momentum and money at work.

Rut stories are told by people who want to call back the ‘good old days’ when “Bill was CEO” or continually interpret events and change in a negative, de-energizing light. Although there are many types of rut stories, the professional victim is most common. People who repeat a victim story build a watertight case using defensive reasoning about how people or the organization are doing them in. They wallow in their victimhood and are very artful in getting people to support their cause.

When employees are spontaneously telling river stories generated in the mix of employee and customer engagement, they create a culture that contributes towards nurturing the human spirit, finding meaning and profitability at work. Click here for a brief River Story Strategy that will help you as a leader interrupt rut stories and build a culture of engagement.

Listen [and download] the audio version of this 2-Minute Change Your World.

Helping you change your world, one conversation at a time

Every Monday morning a leader needs to manage a host of variables – managing the urgent, attending to potential crisis, providing strategic direction – the list goes on. An intangible yet incredibly rewarding challenge for leaders is to create conditions so employees can derive a sense of meaning and fulfillment from being their best in the workplace.

Jane Fonda once said that “everything spirals downward, rots and decays, except the human spirit, which has the capacity to grow and evolve upward.” Creating a culture of meaning and fulfilment at work involves various forms of corporate storytelling. The stories we tell define who we are. Robert Hargrove, a Master Coach and author mentions two types of stories in the workplace that influence the human spirit – river stories and rut stories.

People who tell river stories are authentic, transparent, have no hidden agendas and tend to energize the culture at work for positive change. They speak of possibility and tend to lean towards a transformational future. River stories create meaning, momentum and money at work.

Rut stories are told by people who want to call back the ‘good old days’ when “Bill was CEO” or continually interpret events and change in a negative, de-energizing light. Although there are many types of rut stories, the professional victim is most common. People who repeat a victim story build a watertight case using defensive reasoning about how people or the organization are doing them in. They wallow in their victimhood and are very artful in getting people to support their cause.

Leaders need to interrupt rut stories. Employees who propagate victim stories fear that if they were to give up their victim script, they would lose attention and sympathy. Knowing this, a leader can interrupt rut stories with care and candour, while being empathic. Here is a brief River Story Strategy that will help you as a leader interrupt river stories and build a culture of engagement:

• Recognize that rut stories are being told - list the common themes.
• Understand the context for rut stories to breed.
• Clarify the consequences if rut stories continue.
• Articulate an alternate river story [or stories].
• The river story should help employees see themselves and the organization differently.
• The river story needs to be authentic and clear.
• Create an informal [or formal] river strategy to help interrupt rut stories.
• Encourage leaders to interrupt rut stories with care and candour in one-on-one conversations.
• Measure the impact of your river story strategy

When employees are spontaneously telling river stories based on feedback, ideas, problems and solutions generated in the mix of employee and customer engagement, they create a culture that contributes towards nurturing the human spirit, finding meaning and profitability at work.

Mondays for leaders of these employees are always less panic, and more play.

Conversations That Count is a compilation of stories of authentic interaction with peers, employees, colleagues and customers. When we get engaged, we get results - a real return on engagement.